Oh. My. God.
I lost it all.
Two weeks ago I was prepping my landing page, copy and the whole framework of my mindfulness coaching program, Divine Design. I spent days and hours fine tuning the layout, the precise words, the images, what teachings would go where and was so excited to share it.
It felt so in alignment and exactly how it was supposed to be presented.
I skimmed over the page on release day, double checking everything - it was time to post!
Literally moments before I intended to share it I pressed “delete” rather than “refresh”. My quick fingers saved my error too.
Oh. My. God.
It’s all gone. I had not saved my copy anywhere else. It all came crashing down.
Rest assured, my neighbors likely heard an earful of expletives (from who, I don’t know!) and my eyes immediately began to fill. I stared at my computer screen in disbelief.
All my soul work, my devotion, my creation - gone. Everything had crashed.
I was not a happy camper.
Swirled in waves of emotion, I looked up at the sky in a “Why God?” sort of fashion. And almost immediately after looking up, a smile cracked across my face. I started laughing.
The mindfulness teacher receives an opportunity to practice mindfulness! The universe does have quite the sense of humor.
Years into the practice, it’s not that things don’t happen in my life. Things happen all of the time. Hell, I got a parking ticket the other day for being in a spot for five minutes.
It’s not a matter of if things in my life will crash, it’s a matter of what I will do and who I will be when they crash. The crashes are inevitable, especially if I’m leading a courageous and heart-centered life.
The biggest shift is my life through mindfulness has been my pivot and bounce back time when a crash arises. Sometimes I’m able to just be and not even need a pivot or bounce back.
It’s my ability to access my tools, choose my thoughts, choose my perception and move with the present reality rather than deny it or wallow in it.
So upon my crash, I received an opportunity to walk this path yet again and it is this mindfulness pivot path that I’m sharing with you today.
When I lost everything I had worked so hard on, I let myself feel it. I let myself feel all of the feelings that come with a crash. Anger, disappointment, sadness, disbelief - I felt it all.
This is an important part of the process that I, if I could, would gladly gloss over. Many times I find myself immediately going to the solution and not acknowledging, aka avoiding, the feelings I’m experiencing in the moment.
Let’s be real - difficult and painful emotions are just that, difficult and painful. While seemingly efficient, denying these emotions doesn’t serve me in the long run. This denial tends to boomerang back to me in a less than ideal way - actually more painful and less efficient long term.
The truth is, I was very upset. I let that be ok. Harkening back to Tara Brach’s quote in last week’s blog, “What are you unwilling to feel?” I was willing to feel it. I didn’t argue with it. I let my present moment experience be.
I intentionally set a timer for myself to feel. As a high speed fiery soul, this works for me. It helps me not gloss over or steam roll myself. It’s a gift to myself of the almighty pause and process. It’s a hug to myself by slowing down to create and give that space.
Life is always easier for me when I stop arguing with reality. Sure, I googled different ways to recover the pages and frantically emailed website support for a few minutes - at the end of the day though, I already knew it was lost. It was gone.
I released my grip. Radical acceptance.
Not only is arguing with reality exhausting, it’s not helpful or productive. My ability to accept that reality quickly was the key to moving forward as my highest self.
Through this acceptance, I was able to maintain my neutral gaze. Neutral gaze is my ability to witness, discern and drop any wacky stories that my mind is making up about an event.
In this case, rather than allow the thoughts “You lost the page, you’re careless, you blew it, you failed” to reign supreme in my psyche, I was able to watch them. I asked if they were true or not, and then decided to drop the baggage that wasn’t neutral. The neutral gaze version I kept and accepted was simply, “I lost the page.”
All roads of acceptance and neutral gaze lead to one place - what is.
One of my favorite things about mindfulness is the ability it gives me to wield my mind in my favor rather than have it working against me. This wielding of the mind I like to call choosing my own story.
The prompt I give myself post-crash is, “What is actually awesome about this?”
In this case, I came up with several answers to that question.
· Rewriting and recreating the pages would expand my depth and ability to connect with people about the program I created. I would be “burning in” the purpose, content, everything about it. It was a fabulous opportunity to hone in and deepen my ability to connect with and serve others.
· My copy writing and webpage chops would receive another spin around the block. These are two skills I didn’t have one ounce of experience with a year ago. This crash was giving me another opportunity to practice them.
· I may even get a blog out of this! And yes, you are currently reading that blog. Upon my realization of “the mindfulness teacher receiving an opportunity to practice mindfulness”, I knew this story could be one that showcases a real life example of the practice and at the same time shares that I’m not immune. I just have a lot of practice.
Once I came up with a hearty list of hidden gems from the crash, it actually felt like a strange gift. I had loads of reasons and evidence shaping the story I chose to believe about the situation.
Something commonly left out of mindfulness and spiritual teachings is taking action. It’s something that irks me. Similar to the common perception of luck, it perpetuates the belief that we are victims to our circumstances and don’t have freewill or agency.
If there’s one thing I want every human on the planet to know, it’s how powerful they truly are.
The final step in my mindfulness pivot path was making moves and actually living out the story I chose. I recreated the pages that same evening. The copy I wrote was even better and more concise than the original! I even created it more quickly as my writing and webpage chops were utilized.
Both the writing and webpage skills were not only displayed, it was a moment of building trust with myself. I showed myself that no matter what happens - I know my purpose, I know my vision, I have the tools to share it and I always have the ability to figure things out.
And finally, here I am sharing my mindfulness recipe for “when things crash” with you all. So not only did I build trust with myself, my vision and skills, I lived out the sharing and teaching opportunity this created too.
Thank you, universe! The mindfulness teacher yet again receives an opportunity to practice mindfulness. And each time I get to engage with this practice, I expand. I’m reminded of how much it has and continues to change my life for the better. Each time it stokes the fire in my heart to pay it forward to others.
It’s not a matter of if things will crash, it’s when things crash. The past year especially I have been consistently engaging with crashes of varying degrees and flavors.
I’ve been set ablaze, in clouds of smoke, gasping for air and sometimes my pivot path is not all that clear in the moment. The crash of a website page is small peanuts in comparison to other crashes of mine or ones I have witnessed others move through.
Can you relate?
And yet, the beautiful thing I continue to learn is that regardless of the size and scope of the crash, the path of mindfulness is unwavering. It’s always there for me no matter what. My only job is to show up, take steps, allow, choose and eventually transmute.
When things crash, what path do you usually take? Do you take it on purpose?
What is possible when you feel your feels? Do you avoid or lean in?
What can you accept or drop with your neutral gaze?
If you could choose your own story in the wake of a crash, what would your prompt be?
Would you actually make moves and live it out?
Mindfulness is not something I was taught or something that came naturally to me. In fact, my journey with mindfulness began because of some MAJOR crashes in my life. Talk about transmutation! Walking this path leads me back to my true self, the uplifted person I am today and all the creations I get to make in my life each and every day.
Sharing this path of mindfulness pivot and power is a foundational part of what I do as a mindfulness coach and a big part of my life design coaching experience, Divine Design.
If you’d like to make mindfulness and the pivot path a conscious part of your life in 2021, my coaching experience Divine Design is for you! Through integrating this skill and many more, you will gain a toolkit and navigation system to create, design and live a life that feels amazing and aligns with your soul.
Things will crash.
When they crash, who will you be and what will you do?
Feel it. See it. Release it.
Choose your story and live it out.
In the words of Brené Brown, “When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending”.
When things crash, what will you be writing?
Crashing and catapulting toward a better world,
P.S. Know someone who wants mindfulness in their life? Send them this email and lets vibrate higher together!